Putting people on blast: Foreign/er Joy
UPDATE: Putting this behind a cut. If you’d like to read it, feel free to click on through. But, most of the links are now dead.
I’m mad. That’s pretty much where I am right now. Mad. I had a shit day, I’ve been reading tons of crap on the internet, and basically, I’m sick of my name coming up time and time again when we talk about the Tumblr Sluts. Oh yeah. And you thought Tumblrettes was bad. Now, to catch people up to speed, I’d like to remind people of a few things. (Especially you new Tumblr girls that weren’t around, at least not blogging, when the first go round happened.)
1. There are people out there who think I’m a slut.
2. There are people out there who think YOU’RE a slut.
3. These people think they have a right to tell us what to do with the space between our legs.
4. One of these people was, until recently, Foreigner Joy.
If you don’t recall, I got these two messages a while back. I took my sweet time in replying, because I was trying to find a nice way to do so. You can read the posts here.
And here:
There we go. That’s the basics.
Now, a little history about my relationship with Joy, if you can call it that.
I’ve always tried my best to be respectful of Joy. I have. Bloggers that have met me in person, know that I always try to speak kindly of her, no matter my true feelings, because of one simple fact. She and Chris in South Korea were the two bloggers that gave me my start. What do I mean? Well. Back in the day, when I had a measly two followers, and was just blogging so I could read myself back (which is still generally why I do it) Chris and Joy stumbled upon my blog. Still not sure how, but they did. And they liked, for whatever reason, what they read. And they promoted me. Without me asking. They pimped me out and I started to get notice in the Korea blogosphere. Because of this, I’ve always stepped back when people jump on Joy, because I felt she really went out of her way to be nice to me, in the beginning, for no reason other than she seemed to enjoy what she was reading. There was even a time when she wanted to interview me, and I was ready to come out of my (then) very serious anon shell and meet her. To repay the favor she’d done for me. It didn’t matter to me either way whether Chris or Joy promoted me, but they chose to, and I owe a lot of my exposure to them.
Then, things started to change.
Little comments Joy made here and there about me. The dating bloggers. Me. Again. Always me. And my vagina.
This post was my favorite.
Foreign Women Dating Korean Men: Are we sluts?
Why? Well, because, even though it SEEMS nice, if we rewind back a few years, I can tell you it certainly wasn’t. Joy, who had no business commenting on my sexual life, given she quite enjoyed reading my, what was it? “expository way” (and no, she does not know what that word means, and did, in fact, use it incorrectly) and wanted me to continue doing it. I’m not sure what happened. One minute she was a fan of me, and the next she was writing all over the internet, posting that blog entry anywhere that it would be accepted, linking to me as her prime Tumblr Slut. That post is STILL one of the biggest single blog posts that brings people here from Google. Me being a slut. Or maybe not. But, who knows, maybe I am. I’ll address that later.
Joy wrote her post to avoid mud-slinging, yet she makes a clear distinction between people like me, and people like her. I like to club. She likes to read books. I like to fuck men, she likes to look for men with a different set of gears. (No, I don’t know what that means either.) There is an underlying tone of censure in the post, and while I can see how it’s not as blatant as it read at the time, it’s still there. Joy is not me. She is, from the way she posted before, better than me. It is a sad state of affairs that I no longer have a record of the comments. I am currently trying my best to find them. Unfortunately, Joy did not post under her own name, I’m assuming because she did not feel comfortable doing so, given how she was ripping me apart and insinuating that I was not only a slut, but the big slut on campus that was representing one and all.
After a bit of ‘research,’ she even went so far as to say that Korean girls are never sluts, and that Korean guys weren’t either. She used Adjusshi as an example for this one, even though after we stopped seeing each other the 38year-old Dom that he was went and found himself three barely 20somethings to be his Subs for a good year. Those girls weren’t sluts. (Of course they weren’t. They were Korean.) But in Joy’s mind, I was.
So, why am I bringing all this up? That was 2010, after all, and a lot has changed since then. The truth is, I didn’t even really address it before. As I said, I tried to think the best of Joy. And she also wasn’t really worth my time. I have a hard time reading her posts, given the massive amount of grammatical and vocabulary errors and didn’t think it was something I needed to address. If you WERE around back then, you remember how the shit storm blew up with everyone coming out to pipe up that yes, I AM a slut and yes they were just waiting for someone to say it. So, I addressed that, on my own blog, and didn’t venture far out from there. But, that was it.
Until Joy decided to pipe up again a few days ago.
See, Ladies and Gentlemen, she’s definitively decided I’m NOT a slut. Which means, given what she’d written before, she must not have actually believed I wasn’t a slut way back when. Because now, only now, she’s decided that we are all not sluts and that’s wonderful.
Is anyone else getting tired of me saying the word slut? Let’s get it out there a few more times. SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT. Fun, right?
So, where was I?
Oh yes.
Apparently, I’m NOT a slut. Now, in my mind, I was never a slut. Back then, I wasn’t even having sex, which really? If you’re going to nail someone for being a slut, at least pick someone who is getting to enjoy the sex part of the definition. I was not having sex back then, and I’m not having sex now.
To recap.
I had sex in January of 2012. It was with KFF, my ex-boyfriend. When we’re both single, and both itching for a good time, we call each other.
The Drummer kissed me a few months later, after two date and six months of talking.
Vegas and I kissed outside my house on our first date after holding hands all night. We have since held hands once.
OOOOH. LOOK AT THE BIG SLUTBAG I AM.
Here is the new post Joy has made.
Foreign Women Dating Korean Men: We are not sluts
Here’s the update, if you find you can’t actually understand what she’s saying, I’ll sum it up for you. Joy has decided we’re not sluts. She has ‘experience’ she says, and has concluded that we’re not sluts. What experience, we are left to imagine. I invite Joy now to tell us, in the comments, or on her own blog, what exactly those experiences are, so we can learn just why we aren’t sluts now that two years have passed.
It’s nice, I suppose, if I’m being honest, that Joy can now admit that her post from 2010 was coming from a place a jealousy and not any actual experience or know-how. She found my blog titillating and open and thus concluded I was a slut.
Here’s where the issue lies.
Not only has Joy thrown the ‘non-shy non-party’ girls under the bus (wtf?) but she’s also decided to dog the men she’s dating, the Korean women who date them, and the foreigners who date them. She’s even dogged herself, but doesn’t realize it. (This is why I tend to stay away from her posts, because of the sheer idiocy within them. But, alas, I digress.)
I think, however, that there are a lot of lonely Korean men out there that because of their status and other reasons haven’t had success dating Korean women. Therefore, I have found that some Korean men are turning to foreign women because of the “freedom” they feel.
Oh, okay. So, they can’t get a Korean girl, so they date us? What the actual fuck is up with that? Are we somehow less than Korean girls, Joy? Are we not as worthy of the nice Korean guys because we’re foreign? We just get the dregs of society? I think that’s not what you meant to type, but it is, actually, exactly what you typed.
It can be easily accounted for that dating between Koreans can be a casual thing, but more often than not it tends to be a serious matter. For example, some Korean men can be rejected simply on their blood type or their height. Whereas, foreign women can be picky, I do believe we tend to lean towards the personality when choosing a partner and not cross-examining everything about the other person.
Oh, no wait. I’m wrong. Korean girls are just superficial beings that dismiss guys because of blood type. Congrats, Korean girls. You get to be thrown under the bus, too. Oh not you, Mr. AB Blood Type. I saw that movie about dating AB guys and I know your type. And you, Mr. O. Don’t you come knockin’. You’ll get no love here. (There is no mention, of course, of those women, foreign or otherwise, that meet a man on a phone app, then dismiss them after a perfectly lovely date because their pictures were outdated. That was definitely the subject of a new foreign Dating Blogger, aka a new Tumblr Slut, in the past two months.)
Finally, she ends with this.
But one shouldn’t be concerned that certain actions of foreign women make Korean men think that all foreign women are the same.
So…the final summary is that some of ARE still Sluts with a capital S. But not ALL of us. And certainly not Joy.
Because if we were still using her definition of a slut from before, then she would, in fact, be a slut now. For meeting guys on dating sites and meeting them in person. She would be a slut for having sex with them (I’m assuming here, maybe she’s not) and dating them. She’d be a slut because that’s how she pegged the rest of us before. But now that she’s one of us, we can’t be sluts. Or she’d be one, too. Oh how the tables have turned.
Here’s what I have to say to this, and then I’ll let the subject rest, unless Joy wants to comment and clarify.
1. GODDAMMIT, JOY. Quit fucking posting my name all around the internet with the word ‘slut’ attached. There are plenty of things I think about you that I never said before this post, and if I’m being honest, a few more things I COULD say, that I’m sure you’d rather I didn’t. If you want to go ahead and make generalizations about foreign women at large and how you fit into that, go right ahead. But, leave me alone. Don’t use me as an example when I don’t even fit into what you’re trying to say. Just stop.
2. I’m really 100% curious, and I’m not the only one, about what changed your mind. Given, you said before we weren’t sluts, and are now adamant we aren’t sluts, I’m inclined to believe you did buy into the Tumblr Slut ideology before. What, exactly, caused you to flip sides two years later? Inquiring minds want to know.
3. If I’m a slut for kissing two guys in six months, then so be it. If that’s ANYONE’s definition of a slut nowadays, I’d have to say I just don’t get it. I didn’t get it before, and I don’t get it now. But, if you’re a slut for just kissing a boy you’re dating, where does that leave the rest of the dating world? In a very sorry state, I guess.
