First, read the article here: The Grand Narrative
I find this incredibly interesting. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of posts in the comments from women, white or otherwise. If I had to put my finger on it, to ultimately answer the question, it’d be these three things listed below.
“Why do white guys go for Asian girls and vice-versa whereas white girls don’t go for Asian guys and vice-versa?”
Three logical answers:
1. There is, whether we want to admit it or not, a social fetish dealing with Asian women. I’m not saying EVERYONE has this particular fetish, but it is fairly common. Something about the Asian woman, be it the assumed submissiveness, her typical slim size or her ‘exotic’ features, attract men. A lot of men. For women, I don’t think it works like this. Sure, I love Korean men. But, compared to my many western friends here, I am not normal. The stereotypical skinny, awkward and shy Asian man is not something most women find attractive. From my point of view, at least.
2. Asian women are used to being approached. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that having the beefy, hunky western male swagger up would just make an Asian woman’s day. Okay, that was overly sarcastic, but it’s true. In both western and Asian societies, for the most part, the man does the approaching. This is where the divide happens, and it can be seen on the video linked on the site. Western men, are confident and secure that they can do this approach. I’ve seen so many western men approach the typical Korean girl. I rarely see a Korean man approach a foreigner. I should know. It just doesn’t happen (that often). Why? Perhaps it has to do with the upbringing. A western man “should” be confident because ultimately he knows the opportunity lies with him to go get the girl. I think in Korean relationships a lot of different scenarios can play out in how two people meet, and the Korean man is not used to being so aggressive. Unfortunately, the western girl is used to and expects, most of the time, the western approach. This already gives a leg-up to the western man.
3. I am not sure how true this is outside Korea, but I cannot tell you the number of times I have heard this. Take Ramen for example. I asked him, after we started dating, WHY he didn’t approach me. It was clear I wanted him to. I was making eyes at him all night and even invited him to sit with me…four times. In his words, and so many others, there is this idea in the Asian man’s mind that the western girl is JUST NOT INTERESTED. That western girls DO NOT LIKE KOREAN MEN. So, no matter how approachable, or interested, or excited the western girl is to meet the Asian guy, if it gets to that point, the man believes it’s not right. He’s reading it wrong. Or he just doesn’t pick up on it at all. It’s not even a possibility. Is this an exaggeration? A tiny bit. But, I don’t think I’m far off the mark when saying this. To get the guy, MOST western girls will have to go outside their comfort zone and approach the Korean guy. At the risk of being rejected. She will have to approach him in a very headstrong way, and most western girls would be put off by that. So, instead she sits and waits and wonders why Romeo over there isn’t coming up to her.
These three things combined, stereotypes or not, really help to explain the breakdown. Does it bother me? A little bit. I wish it was more common. Maybe then it wouldn’t be so hard. But, it’s how it is. And until the sterotype and the expectations on both ends start to evolve, I don’t think there will be a huge change anytime soon. Sorry, that was long.