Dating in Korea

This is what menopause* feels like aka a summary of my weekend.

Number of times I referenced my chatch/vagina/cooch/hoo-ha or a man’s cucumber/peen/pole/tomato (don’t ask): 30

Number of hot flashes I had this: 20

Number of times my face glistened with the dewness of the afternoon sun: 15

Number of men that I fell in love with this weekend on sight alone: 10

Number of babies I would have taken home for the night based on their Flower boy looks and charm: 8

Number of men I proposed to when out of their earshot: 5

Number of those same men that saw me proposing and stared: 3

Number of babies I managed to proposition by playing Boyfriend’s “Boyfriend” in a bar: 1

(That’s my most proud number. Later, as I was dancing around to another song, he asked if I liked it. I told him I loved Sistar. He looked shocked and said, “Oh really?!” and paid more attention to me after that. Pro-tip: use Kpop from the generation the boy/man is familiar with to get his attention. Do not, however, go and play g.o.d when you’re trying to impress a baby. B.A.P’s “Power” is a much better choice. Anyway, playing g.o.d for a man is stupid anyway. They’re too good for that. You should play g.o.d. for yourself and that’s it. “To My Mother” WHAT WHAT! And that was pretty much the end of the night. Until we left the bar and we cued up “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” from Mulan. Sometimes, we’re assholes.)

Good weekend all around. Also, I’m having another hot flash. Right now. So make that number 21. Fuck. 

_______

*I have no idea what menopause makes you feel like beyond the hot flashes. I’m really not sure if it makes you incredibly, well, raring to go at the drop of a hat. Even as we were headed back to the train station, I was reading to let the taxi driver and his strong hands have his way with me. If this is menopause, it’s incredibly frustrating, but might be really fun.

Tuesday night: Drunk texting and a motel.

But no sex for anyone. In fact, no kissing for anyone either. The raunchiest bit was us holding hands in bed before sleeping. Figure that one out. Hah.

Vegas shmegas.

He pissed me off a little. Okay, that’s not right. He frustrated me, so I cancelled our meeting. I’m still trying to figure out why he thought what he did was acceptable. I mean, I know he’s weird, I know he has time management issues, but I’m also wondering if he’s got some sort of curfew he’s got to follow to be home on time.

I’ll write more about this later. Just wanted to tell everyone that nothing happened as I didn’t even see him. So, there will be no size issue clearing up. Since I still have no idea. 

In other news, I was so frustrated, I went out and got wasted with my friend and another male coworker last night. I didn’t want my freshly shaved legs to go to waste, and so I considered doing the deed with him, but, alas, he ducked out around 2am because he was tired. Probably for the best, I guess, given we work together, and no one really wants a repeat of Hot Guy, right? But, we will see. He’s recently single, and lonely, I think. So we’ve hung out way more than usual. There was a moment last year where I thought he was considering me. He and his girlfriend were on the rocks and he invited me to hang out a few times, and I just was really uncomfortable with the situation because he DID still have a girlfriend, and I don’t wanna be a home wrecker. But now, his relationship has run its course, and it’s his choice to do what he likes. And, he’s a good guy. 99% sure nothing will happen here, but hey. You never know. Last night, in the middle of dinner, he leaned forward and said, “Maybe I need an English speaking girlfriend,” staring right at me. Both me and my friend have no idea why he said that. Unless he was hinting something to me. It was really strange. He also seems to be keeping his break up a secret from my friend, who he also knows well. Who knows. I really don’t. Like I said, 99% sure nothing will happen. He’s a nice guy, who does his job, so I can’t really complain. But seeing as how that was the most exciting bit of my night, I thought I’d share.  

Vegas has a fetish.

I do not know the technical term, which is a first for me. I also don’t know if it’s going to come out in person. It appeared after we kissed for the first time. But, he only hinted at it via Kakao.

After our second date, he pulled it out again on Kakao. He doesn’t do it in person, or reference it. He also gets quite shy when I bring it up on a date. 

After a long conversation today via Kakao, I’m curious to see if it’ll appear on Friday. I am both apprehensive and excited for it. 

And yes, I know this is vague. But it’s not fair for me to say what it is without experiencing it first. It might not even happen. I also should write about our dates first before I start blogging about his weird texting desires. 

Just to stir the pot…Vegas.

Vegas and I are planning on having sex this weekend. Glorious sex. I hope. As long as nothing goes wrong.

I plan to give him endless twice. And then ride him til the sun comes up.

Let the name-calling continue.

Vegas is depressed.

Things might, sadly, be going to the wayside. We’ll see. He gets this way every two weeks or so. I’m hoping he snaps out of it. He always does once we meet. But, I’m starting to think this is why he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Because he gets in moods about where his life is heading, and closes up into a little unreachable ball. 

Putting people on blast: Foreign/er Joy

UPDATE: Putting this behind a cut. If you’d like to read it, feel free to click on through. But, most of the links are now dead. 

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At least he remembers the important things.

SInce I told him about my hand, Vegas is constantly asking me how it is. This is nice because he has an admittedly short memory, and once even asked me out on the same date twice. Which I realize sounds funny, but mostly it’s just confusing.

Anyway, he chats with me while I’m bored in the hospital and I couldn’t really ask for more.

My hand is in a splint for the next two weeks. Then the doc wants me to get more x-rays to see if it’s broken or not. Apparently, fractures are sneaky bastards that can hide from x-ray machines. Sick.

Basically, my hand looks ridiculous. So, if Vegas and I do make it to sexy time this weekend, that whole showering together idea he had is out. Also out is my awesome handjob-leading-to-endless action that I usually impress with on the first bed date. My hand can barely hold a pen, much less make a fist.* Suckage. Pun intended.

*It occured to me that Vegas could very well be gigantic. I have no idea. If he were, say BIG enough, I could indeed make things work. Granted, he’d have to be so enormous that I wouldn’t want him anywhere near my vag, but it does stand to reason that if he’s hung with the girth of a roll of pepperoni or, wait, is salami the big one? then, yes, I could wrap my hand around that. But then I’d probably break my hand for real and my sweet, but slightly jumpy doctor might have a heart attack when I explained why. Also, my hand now hurts from typing so much. So, I’ll end it here. But now I really am curious to see what he’s packing behind his zipper. Haha. Only time will tell.

Vegas is caring.

Me: I have to go to the hospital tomorrow. I think I broke my hand. ㅠ.ㅠ Vegas: You need to be careful. Nice [new Kakao] picture anyways~

…gee…thanks…

Hesitant Vegas.

Rather, it’s been me thats hesitant to post. I really like him. With all his weirdness and awkwardness, he makes me laugh. I’ve told my dad about him. Not in any more terms than “the guy I’m dating,” but still.

I’ve had a hard time getting to date three these past few years. Sometimes, it’s me that ends it after two dates, sometimes them. But date three has definitely been a lofty goal as of late. Yet, we got there. Me and Vegas. He dropped a line about how I was his girlfriend on Tuesday. I’m not. Not yet. But, I could be. I might be. After date four. So, I’ve been quiet. Don’t want to jinx it and all that. If that’s even possible.

But, he’s great. And he makes me feel great. And I’m hoping this goes somewhere. Next date, I think we will end up in a motel. We’ve talked about it. And maybe then, if things go the way I hope and expect them to, then I’ll be less hesitant. But, for now, that’s where I stand. Overly paranoid? Maybe. But, I don’t want this one to fall by the wayside.

Waiting for Vegas.

I am someone that has been on a lot of first dates. Given the nature of my lifestyle here, it’s only natural. I mean, I might not have a ton of third dates, but I usually give a guy at least two before one of us calls it quits.

I used to club a lot. There are advantages to this. You know, in some way, what Romeo looks like before you’re standing outside a subway station waiting for him. It’s not easy, the ‘blind’ aspect of online dating. I’ve gotten guys that are exactly like their picture. I’ve gotten guys that are exactly like their picture ten years ago. And I’ve gotten guys that have straight-up lied about who they are or what they look like, or how tall they are…and it’s not easy knowing that to be nice you have to keep the date going until you dismiss them as not worth your time for a valid reason. Because I don’t think looks are a valid reason to dismiss someone if you already like them (in some way) before seeing them. Korean guys are the kings of taking great pics that don’t actually represent them in real-life. It’s rather ridiculous.

Anyway, I was already expecting a good time. I’d had a huge laugh over the conversation we had when he asked me if I wanted to meet him.

Vegas: What time do you finish work?

Me: 8:30.

Vegas: Okay. We will meet at 9:40. We will have a few beers. 

Me: Ok.

Vegas: What time do you want to go home?

Me: Uh…let’s see how things go first. 

I mean, how are you supposed to respond to that. If things go to shit, I’d want to go home after the second hour. If things went great, I’d want to stay for eight. But, it made me laugh.

This is where I was last Friday night. I arrived at the subway station and stood a little bit away from the exit, as I normally do. Haha. I started looking around to see who was looking around for me. I see this guy who maybe looks like the pictures I was sent. Only…he’s about three inches shorter than me. Which isn’t a lie on his part, at all. We never talked about height, but I’m starting to regret wearing heels. I send a text saying I’ve arrived and where is he. Oh god. The not-at-all hot guy by the exit checks his phone and starts to look around. Oh no. It’s me. He’s mine.

I mean, let me say this in the nicest way possible. At night, in Gangnam, it’s a club and bar fest. You walk around and see the best looking guys in their best looking outfits with the best looking girls. When you’re on a first date with someone you’d rather not be standing next to for whatever reason, it sucks. Because being a foreigner, some person size you up. And then they turn to the person next to you and size them up. And it’s not fun when it’s a first date. So when Mr. Short over in the corner starts looking around I steel myself to not react when he approaches me. I mean he’s nice. I know this from the texts. And there have been many a time where I meet a guy who isn’t a looker who I end up falling for anyway because of his personality. Only…oh good. Mr. Short’s short friends have arrived. He’s not mine after all. However, to my left, I see some extremely hot guy gesturing for me to come. Oh me? You mean me? You mean you didn’t lie about your picture? You mean you’re actually hotter in person? At first I thought he couldn’t possibly be looking at me. I actually turned around to see who was standing behind me. No one. At this point, I’m ready to just lie and be whoever he thinks I am, Korean or not, so I can approach him. Luck was on my side, however. He was the guy from the app. And he was great. 

The first words he said to me were, “You’re late. But that’s okay.” Oh. Oops. I mean I had told him he could leave if he wanted to, but he said he wanted to wait.* he held the door open for me and the date was on.

______

I found out later he works in a business where being prompt and having things planned out is part of his career. He said, and I quote, “I don’t like lazy.” I’m definitely not lazy, so that’s a good thing. His comments make perfect sense in that light. Though they were still a bit weird. Haha. 

Vegas history.

I had set a new rule for myself this year. If a man did not ask me out on a date within one week of meeting him, he wasn’t worth waiting for. New Year, New Me and all that. This is partially what caused me to give up on the Drummer. I have a bad habit of liking guys that make me wait. For the most part, they don’t make me wait for any other reasons than those I respect, like they’re busy with work. Or they have a legit excuse for not being able to meet when I ask them. Which is fine. But it just leads to me waiting, and waiting, and waiting. So, new rules.

Which leads me to this new guy. I’ve been chatting on my applications, not really expecting anything. I met one guy who came on a bit too strong. Then he tried to meet my friends. And then he said he only wanted a sexual relationship. I mean, game over. I’m not gonna sit here and say I wasn’t into that years ago, I was. But, now? I guess times have changed. He just seemed shady all around, so I gave up.

Then, I met Vegas. At first, I talked to him because I thought there was no way his picture was real. He was just too good-looking. I eventually agreed to meet him because I wanted to prove to myself that I’d been had. There was no way a guy this likable and hot was single. Turns out, I was wrong.

He asked me out after a few days of chatting. Good sign number one. 

When I was running late for the date, not my fault, Friday night taxis are a bitch to catch, he called me on the phone and said he’d wait. 

He’s doing everything right. Even when he came on too strong, once I explained about Tin Pan’s situation and him jacking off with me in the car, he’s backed off so that I won’t feel uncomfortable.

Tonight, I asked if he had time to meet for coffee. He didn’t. He turned around an hour or so later and asked me out for Friday night properly. This was 100% the right thing to do. 

Is he a little weird? Yes. Do I like em weird? Yes. Do I think I found a good one in this guy? Absolutely. (Does it make me a little sad that he might ask me to be his girlfriend again Friday night, and I’ll say yes, and then be un-single THE NIGHT BEFORE BLACK DAY? You betcha. The things I do for romance. Haha.) 

I hope Friday goes well. Dinner and a movie. Should be fun. And I won’t be late this time. There’s time later for him to learn that I’m habitually late and never on time. Haha. Guess I’ll be bringing my change of clothes to work with me Friday to get all dolled-up. Again. The things I do for romance. 

Too many oppas for one girl to handle.

Saturday night, after the musical, I went out to my bar. I was alone, because I just wanted to go and say hi, so they put me next to a guy that I know, but rarely talk to. He knows who I am. We’ve known each other for a year. But, before last night, we’d hardly said two words to each other. Okay, make that two sentences. At one point, Bartender came over and said in English, to me, and Korean, to him, “You two aren’t even talking!” They put us together because we’d both come alone. We looked at each other, laughed, and went back to not talking. 

Anyway, the bar has told me that if I ever get a boyfriend, or a guy I’m dating, to bring him in. They want to meet him. I trust their judgement and I’ve always had it in the back of my mind. Though the owner is only ten years older than me, he and his wife are like surrogate parents to me. When my cat died, I went there. When I’m having guy troubles, I go there. I brought them Christmas dinner last December. I had Thanksgiving dinner with them. I mean, I go to drink, but I go for the company more. 

Anyway, next weekend they’re having a big party. We have to put in reservations. I put us down for four. I figure, if Vegas is game, I want to bring him to meet everyone. ‘Everyone’ being the majority of my Korean friends in Korea. Not only do I know the staff, but there’s a group of Korean girls (and their boyfriends, though we don’t know them that well) that we see every weekend. 

They wanted to know why I was saying four. I told them there was a guy I was seeing. They wanted to see pictures and know about him. I show them and they’re impressed. He’s rather hot, if you’re into my tastes, and I guess they are. I told them the basics, like how old he was and where he worked and lived. One of the girls goes, “Oh! The guy next to you works there, too.” Uh oh…they tell me to show him the picture. He goes, “VEGAS?! Why do you have his picture?”

Cue an entire hour of translated Korean/English being thrown back and forth as we try to get the information out. 

Basically, they work in different departments. When he realized the situation, Mr. Quiet beside me got extremely animated and smiled the first of many smiles that I’d never seen before.

His first reaction was, “DAEBAK!” Which, really, is not a good reaction when it’s about someone you may or may not start a relationship with. He tells me not to date him. That there’s something wrong with him. I instantly try to figure out what it is. 

Turns out, he’s know around work for being a bit ‘different.’ I think the best translation is ‘weird’ but we eventually settled on unique. This is not a surprise. I’ve known he was weird since we first started talking. As a friend said tonight, “You like weird guys. Not fully weird. Not can’t function in society weird. But weird. Like, they need you to guide them a little weird. It’s not something anyone would notice in a crowded room. Like, they’re not chewing on their hands or anything. But, they’re weird. Touched. Just a little.” And it’s true. I guess. I go for that.

As the night progesses, Mr. Quiet tells me to date Bartender. That he’s a much better catch for me. Bartender proceeds to come over, and tells me, “Yes! Date me!” Which really? What a fucker. That is so messed up I can’t even. I already TRIED to date him. I flat out asked him out on a date and he refused. He said he didn’t want to date me. That was a good six months ago. The six months that I knew him prior to that, we were extremely flirty and I thought there was something there because everyone was trying to get us to date. How dare he show up, as soon as I got a good one, and try to tell me to date him. I know, for a fact, that if I were to take him up on his offer, he wouldn’t go for it. I was sorta pissed. I told Mr. Quiet that he was there the night I tried to date Bartender. He remembered. I said he knew that Bartender has rejected me. He remembered everything. Then he said, “Forget it. Bartender is an asshole.” Haha. 

But he still didn’t want me to date Vegas. 

I finally got it out of him. He was a little leery because I said I had met him on a phone app. Mr. Quiet is a bit conservative and he thinks that I don’t have experience with Korean guys. He asked me if had dated Korean guys before. If I knew about Korean guys’ styles. I said yes. He said, “Have you dated a lot of Korean guys?” I mean. What was I supposed to say? Oh yes, would you like my blog’s address? Haha. I told him, a little embarrassed, that yes, I’d dated a bit of Korean guys. 

I guess, bottom line, he knows OF Vegas but is not very close to him. He does know that he’s got a reputation for being weird. Which I get. But, he said he’s not a bad guy, and he’s definitely single. (On account of the weirdness.) That he’s nice, but all guys are nice on the first date. He said to call Vegas and tell him to come out right then. I said Vegas was sleeping and couldn’t. He said to bring him to the party next weekend. I said I was gonna try. Then, the owner chimed in that I had to bring him. Then the female bartenders said they too wanted to talk to him. Mr. Quiet said he wanted to speak to him, while I was there, about his intentions. Oh god.

I now have a father-like owner. Mr. Quiet who is all of a sudden my champion. (He’s a good guy, and just looking out for me. I’m lucky.) And Bartender. Who gets pissy every time another man is near me. He throws a fit and I’m not sure how he’ll react if I’m with someone I actually am dating. Anyway, it should be a fun/awkward night. If Vegas is up for it. We’ll find out. As it turns out, he doesn’t know Mr. Quiet at all, so it’ll be interesting to see how it goes. But, I do like him. And I’d be proud to stand by him in front of all my friends, no matter what they throw at him. And his weirdness might just come in handy, as I think a normal guy would run from a situation like this. 

In other news, Mr. Quiet and I ended up talking about dramas, movies, and Kpop by the end of the night. When he found out we were both Big Bang fans, he started singing the songs. After a nice duet of Fantastic Baby, I showed him the Seungri pin I have on my purse. His response?

“Seungri is unique, too. Oh I see. You like unique guys. Okay. Go ahead. Date Vegas. I get it. FIGHTING!” 

Then we did a shot. Awkward. Fighting. 

Haha.

Unique guys.

What a nice way of putting it.